It dawns on me today that I am living up to expectations I set for myself.
I'm walking the walk. I cannot turn off this compulsion to keep moving. I will not have a sagging gut and lack of drive. I will be ready at a moment's notice to do anything and everything. Riding the bike, training for the triathlon, all the reading is propelling me toward a more fulfilling mindset and a more fulfilling life. Some of this is Rollins-ism; other parts are just out of wanting to explode most of the time.
It's not that I'm obsessed with any of this I just don't want to turn it off. I don't see how it would benefit me if I did. Smokers always know they have to quit but often do not. That's an addiction. I don't know that I have to quit and because of that I am quicker and leaner than ever.
I am not comparing myself to anyone other than previous incarnations of myself. I think I'm determined with the leanness factor, now, to be physically equal to my teen-age self but to put him in his place and harness the potential. The struggle is internal and external-with-nature.
Yesterday my lunch 5K was complete in roughly 21:40, which is the best time in recent memory. The bad news was that a headache behind my right eye (and that side of my face) consumed me by the time I'd made it back to Penn. That won't stop me from repeating it today.
Last week at this time I was lightning in a bottle, because I felt I was on to greener pastures. While that may still be true, it hasn't yet materialized. I'm not as quick on the bike this morning but that's fine, I'm cutting myself the slack b/c the thunder and the Lizard's perfume woke me up at 6:47.
I finished the Lone Surfer. It was decent -- most were similar in tone -- lot of stories about being on the road. It's a writer's writer doing it; makes me want to take another stab.
Now writing is an esteem thing sometimes. I'd be a hypocrite to think otherwise.
Thank you for reading.
Playlist:
Ozzy: Life Won't Wait, Scream
Foo: Burning Bridges
Metallica: Damage Case, Overkill
No comments:
Post a Comment